Since I’ve never been allowed into a gay bathhouse, I have to admit it’s taken on a certain mythical quality to me.
See, for “me”.. it would be so fantastic to just be able to walk around in the semi-dark and have cocks coming at me from every direction. Now, I’m sure as most guys can attest, it’s probably for the best that it’s dark in there..lol, as there are probably times when it’s probably best that you don’t get a good look at the person who’s got their lips wrapped around your sticking out bits.
Kinda like, we all say we wanted to see Santa, but I think it might have been a big letdown if we actually did. Better to keep him a fantasy than realize that Santa has been wearing that suit for a long time, and they don’t actually have dry cleaners at the North Pole.
So, because I’ll probably never get into a real one, I’ve wondered about what the etiquette inside is like. I mean, we ‘are’ talking about a place that doesn’t sell soda and popcorn, but whose floors are notoriously sticky.
Is it a matter of ‘what happens in the bathhouse stays in the bathhouse” ?
1. What if you spot your very ‘straight’ boss with his feet up in the sling stirrups? Do you have to call him sir and assure him that your report will be on his desk on Monday, or do you conceal your identity and shove your hand up his ass while his head is turned and busy sucking someone’s cock off to the side and leave before he’s finished? Imagine what it would be like at o work on Monday knowing that you’ve massaged his kidneys!
2. If there’s a line up at the sling, with 5 guys waiting to fuck the bottom, do you each fuck him until you cum, or do you each say.. agree to give the guy about 20 strokes, and leave some for the rest of the guys? Is there a signup sheet for really busy slings? LIke that really great Elliptical Machine that everyone wants at the gym?
3. Are there shower douches there, or are you supposed to take care of all of that before you leave your house? I mean, what if you worked late and nipped out for a bite to eat, before hitting the bathhouse? Do they sell douches at the front where you get your locker keys?
4. Do you bring your own flip flops, or do you get them at the front like bowling shoes? Is there someone spraying them with a javex solution?
5. If you spot your friend’s boyfriend and the cock he’s sucking does not belong to your friend, do you shut your mouth, or are you duty bound to mention it?
6. What happens if your dick actually slipped and fell in his mouth before you realized who he was? Do you pull out immediately, or, since the damage is already done, do you just let him finish what he started and move on discretely afterwards?
7. What happens if heaven forbid, someone passes gas while they’re being fucked.. is it like, immediate shrink dink, or is it par for the course and you just continue on? I guess that would depend mostly on what they had for dinner.
8. Is it rude to shoot a load in the hottub? I mean, is it like being at the gym and you are supposed to wipe your sweat off the equipment? I guess the hope is that there is enough chlorine to kill whatever might accompany the random jizz that finds it way in there..but a girl’s got to wonder.
9. When you’re at a glory hole, are there two exits? I mean, I would assume the whole point is not to know who’s on the other end, but is there an appropriate amount of time to wait to leave whichever side you’re on? Is it the sucker, or the suckee who’s supposed to leave first? Is there some kind of green or red light that flashes and tells you when you’re supposed to leave?
10. What if the guy who’s sucking you off really isn’t very good at it, is it rude to leave mid-blow..or do you have to fake a seizure to get him off you if you’re in danger of losing your hard-on from bad oral sex?
11. Let’s say, there’s a bit of evidence of recent fucking on a hole you’re interested in.. is it like with your good friends who can point out you have a bat in the cave..? Like, can you offer them a moist towelette and use discreet sign language for “wipe your hole”, or do you just move on, even if they’re really hot? I wonder if it’s like when someone has bad breath, and you offer them a mint as you put one in your mouth..maybe you just ask him to join you in the shower?
See.. if you all would just let us in there.. we would know and it wouldn’t be such a big deal. We’d probably lose interest and not even want to come back. Maybe I’m the only girl who’s curious..? I think there should be some kind of special allowance for girls who work in gay porn..just sayin’
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